Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
