I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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