Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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