I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
