Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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