It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
