On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
