I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
