i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
