Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
