yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
