just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
