How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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