do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
