Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
