this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
