He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
