I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
