shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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