Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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