I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
