Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
