it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
