haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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