Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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