and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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