I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
