I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
