Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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