um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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