Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
