He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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