you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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