Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
