It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
