I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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