so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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