I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
In America we eat man semen.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
