Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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