What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
