this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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