Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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