you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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