I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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