My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
