please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
