Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
