You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
