guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
