i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
