maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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