please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
