We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
