so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't turn off my feet"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
