Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
