We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
