apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
