I accidentally had phone sex last night
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
