come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
