so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
