We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Even my vagina gasped.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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