He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
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