She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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