Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
