I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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