the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
