someone threw a dead crab at me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
